Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Rules Of The Sauna

Spent some time at Bellevue Road swimming pools in my life.
Quite a nice little pool, off a side road , with a sauna and steam room that fit about ten people.

Overhead view of le pool

In my time at the pool, I've spent a lot of time in the sauna, and came up with some simple rules for sauna use , to help everyone have an enjoyable time

  1. No Farting in the Sauna. - You'd think this would be self explanatory, but the amount of times I've felt a rumble in the seat, followed by a nose watering, pore-closing stench that permeates every corner of the room. The smell is exacerbated by the fact that high temperature helps disperse poo particles and smell by up to 20 percent. If you need to fart, get out and let rip by the kiddies pool.

  2. No politics in the Sauna. - It's hot and steamy enough with out having to get worked up by some red cheeked investment banker telling everyone the only way to get cheaper bread is with genetic modification. Or some guy complaining about the price of the pool and in the same breath whining about "taxes all going to the poor, taking off us hard workers"

  3. Don't splash-and-dash. - This happens when some one comes in, splashes a whole cup of water on the stove, sits down and then leaves after two minutes. It seems to usually be italians for some reason. SIMPLE SAUNA RULE - adjust to the heat first and if you don't feel its hot enough after two minutes, check with the other sauna occupants.

  4. Don't urinate on the sauna rocks. - it smells bad. You might get dickburn, but that'd be okay, humor for the whole sauna.

  5. Don't lie down if the sauna is full up. - You might be "fully relaxed" or "in the full throes of a zen sauna moment " , but just sit up and make room so some others can join you on the scalding journey to enlightenment.

  6. Old man, don't sit in the corner where you can see the aqua joggers. Especially with a towel in your lap.


  1. Absolutely urinate on the sauna rocks

    Or put chocolate on them, man that pisses people off

  2. Okay creepy old guy is not so good, but sauna's rock!

  3. Made me smirk. Definitely following.

  4. In my city we reach around 45ºC on summers, I just dont understand how people likes saunas >_<

  5. All sounds reasonable, only the one about the heat thing applies to the girl's Sauna though:D

  6. definately rules that should all be followed

  7. Those rules should definetly be enforced. saunas can be so crusty.

  8. Saunas are really hot i never seen anyone pee on them though ...

  9. The no farting part should be obvious... I guess it's not obvious for everyone.