Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Feijoa Habanero Sauce

So today I went out in the garden and checked on my plants. The weather's been a bit drab this year , mediocre summer so I didn't think there'd be much happening. Was I wrong! Feijoas on the trees, habaneros on the plant, cucumbers and capsicums galore. So of course, I did what any good spice lover does and decided to make up a new sauce. I call it feijoa Flame.
The ingredients are very simple :

  • 10 Habanero Peppers
  • 7 Ripe feijoas
  • 1/3rd cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup vinegar
  • 2 heaped tablespoons natural hon

  • ey
  • 1 teaspoon chilli pepper
  • salt/pepper to taste

  1. First of all, de seed and chop peppers

WARNING ! wear gloves! I didn't and am I paying for it!
2) remove flesh of feijoa.
3)mix all ingredients with blender.
4)pour into jars.
Thats really all it takes ! This sauce is H.O.T hot. One or two drops and you will be burning. Not one for the casual connoisseur.

I like to call it "Feijoa Flame."

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Long Time No Post!

Been about a month since I last seriously posted, well, I did a drunken post about breaking up with my girlfriend but decided that was probably better off not being stored on the internet. Been studying up a storm and got my final exams for the semester coming up, so it's back to time wasting on the internet !
A quick snapshot of every day life

Which brings me to the point of this post :

Fuck, just realised I don't really have a point.
It's voting time coming up here in New Zealand, so once again we get soundbites and visits from politicians claiming to give a shit about the "normal man", about the poor and about making the country better. In reality it's just like they are facing a performance review, the citizenship is the dumb manager, and they try to pull the wool over our eyes.
In the last 3 years, our economy has gotten worse, our living standards have gotten worse, child abuse has risen and the environment has only gotten more fucked over.
So what solutions do they come up with? Either sell off the assets that are making us money, Cut money from welfare programmes so that the poor get poorer , commit more crime , and cost more in jails, or from the other side of the spectrum 'tax the farmers.'

New Zealand's Obama. (seriously, a right wing party used his advertising to great effect.)

Of course, there are parties which do represent the average man. But hardly any average man votes for them, considering it a "wasted vote."
So half the country vote for "the nice man," (read - ex wall street banker with many holiday homes) , 1/3rd votes for "the ones who will stick it to the rich pricks", and the other percent vote for the smaller parties, or just don't bother voting, prefering to stay at home and have a wank.

Can you guess which percentage I'll be in?

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

tornado in auckland!

Wow, its been a while since Auckland got hit with anything close to a natural disaster. So of course facebook is going crazy with idiots saying "its 2012", its actually still 2011, and this has happened before. The suburb it hit is just a lot more built up now. apparently two people died, not too sure how. The news had an interview with a couple of clowns who were working in the mall it hit, and they really make a big deal of themselves giving some kids some balloons. nice work cornflake the clown. There was a quick shot of the kids getting a balloon and one was crying. Imagine if you already were scared of clowns, just got hit by a tornado and then some clown comes up and gives you a balloon.

Heres a couple of home taken videos :

pretty exciting stuff. Once again twitter was the best source for immediate news.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Bit of (unfinished) Creative writing

The blank document screen stared back at joe Williams, as he cracked open the first can of the last batch of 8 percent bourbons. Revelling in the first sip, the cool caramel liquid soothing its way through his body, he relaxed back in his chair and regarded the computer. Behind the document editor , his teenage collection folder was open, and two vlc media player windows blinked at him. He knew that this letter could save him a lot of hassle. Court ordered costs. Lawyer fees. Possible jail time? His life potentially stretching out in ruins in front of him, and all he could think of was the hours of filth he’d saved up over the years.

“Perhaps I should prepare for the hours ill be in jail.. by watching hours of porn over and over again , commiting it to memory” he mused, stroking his 2 day old man-urchin’s beard.

Taking another sip of bourbon, he clicked away from word, and clicked onto his internet browser. He drummed a little samba of excitement on the mouse pad, as his customised home page loaded into view. An RSS feed of various forums and blog sites streamed across the page, while his rapid share tracker flashed incessantly as new cam whore files were uploaded.

“where to start, where to start” he pondered, mouse poised on his bookmark bar. Facebook.. redtube.. various forums.. news sites.. reddit..

“Facebook” he muttered to himself, a coffee stained grin spreading across his face. What better way to while away a few hours then clicking through friends profiles, hoping to find that flash of flesh suitable for saving away for later hours. By now his apology letter was long forgotten, all thoughts of reparation for his misdeeds long forgotten. Besides, was he really to blame for using the mr whippy tune as a ringtone while walking past a playground? Surely it hasn’t been made illegal to receive a call while fondling oneself, he couldn’t be blamed . That’s how the judges would see it anyway. Clicking onto one of his favourite local uni girls, he noticed she’d uploaded a new album – “fun in the sun” . Heartbeat racing, he eagerly clicked, waiting for the page to load. Curse the new way of loading pictures, half the excitement is clicking through next photo, eyes being bombarded with flesh. Ah well, with an album name like that one could be sure a few pics would be making their way to the “local media” folder.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Why SVU is better then CSI et al

A few years ago, I noticed a worrying trend with TV shows.
Crappy Crime Shows, or CCS as I call them.
They were everywhere. Whereas once upon a time there was law and order, there was now - CSI. CSI Miami, CSI California, NCIS, CAA, CII, CSI L A, CSI tiny little town in texas ... you get the idea.
These shows were terrible. They would have a shocking beginning where a beautiful person died. The lead detectives would get a lead and follow someone, who would turn out to be the wrong person. They would then get a lead, and use some imaginary science advancement which hasn't been made yet.

(courtesy of

That's the type of thing I'm talking about. Ridiculous scientific marvels from the tiniest shred of evidence, which then usually led back to someone who we were introduced to as a bit character at the beginning of the episode. And nearly every. single. show. follows this structure.
The other thing these shows rely on is having a "whacky" character ( Abby from NCIS, Hetty from NCIS los angeles ), and a male and female lead character who play off each other , keeping sexual tension brimming throughout the show.

And then there is SVU.
SVU is a far more hard hitting show. With subjects like child porn, domestic abuse, suicide, racial killings, alcoholic police . The show takes on far harsher subjects then the other shows, and drags you deep into the storyline.
The characters themselves are fleshed out. We see a lot of their domestic life, but not in a way that titillates the viewers, instead we see for example, the lead actress having her adopted son taken away from her by a drug addict mother. Or the lead actor's daughter compromises a case, and he has to beg for her not to get involved in the case. The show often shows the police being conflicted by doing what the law requires them, and what is clearly the right thing to do conscience-wise.
Two actors that don't need crappy punch lines to sell a show.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

My Attempt at a Star Wars fanfic

"Watch it! " Luke spat , as a photon laser burned a hole int he spot he had just been sitting, the tree trunk cleanly shot through. The Ewok that fired the shot chuckled at him, button eyes dancing crazily in his face as it took another swig out of the hastily- brewed ceremonial havak juice.
Scowling, Luke surveyed the scene of the party. Comatose ewok "warriors", clutching their rock sticks as they rolled around the forest floor. The two droids, gleefully sharing data packages. R2D2 beeping and flashing merrily as C3P0 recited a monologue from an ancient text in Gungan.
The once proud Empire base, lying in ruins, covered in defecation from these.. animals.
Luke found it hard to believe that this was what he had fought for, what he had killed his own.. no, not time to think about that yet. Not just now. Gruffly, he grabbed the bottle out of the furry overgrown rat in front of him and took a long, scorching swig. The fire tore through him, blasting out the lethargy and fizzing as it fused with his electronic hand. He snarled at the ewok reaching up to get back its bottle, draining it and turning on the Ewok brandishing his lightsaber.
"Get back! Get back you animal! Before I show you a real warrior! "
The creature meowed pitifully, scampering away to a group of others , who stared at him from across the fire .
An uneasy silence settled in over the area, barring the two robots who continued to flash away. Leia came over to him, smiling as she exclaimed "Luke, whats wrong, we've won!"
Her eyes sparkled as she searched her brothers face, but she knew something had changed in him, his face still handsome but lacking the warmth she was used to seeing.
Luke stared down at his sister A feeling of revulsion churned within in him, mixed with the feeling of love that could never be expressed. " Don't touch me ! " He snarled, surprising himself with the force of his words, but carrying on : " Just go be with him!". His robot fingers unflexed and pointed at Han, who leaned against a tree , slight smirk playing on his face.
"Look at us, look at all of us, celebrating. Our father's dead! All the leaders are dead! We've plunged ourselves into chaos, and for what?! So these, these, parasites can nearly shoot me! " His voice broke as he saw tears welling up in his sister's eyes. "Luke.." She began, but he roughly pulled away from her and plunged into the forest, letting the force guide him wherever it led. If it was off a cliff, good .
Tree trunks flashed past, shadowy forms entering his vision, tormenting him as he ran, ran, ran to get away.
A blankness overcame him, and he stopped, opening his eyes to see where he had been led . A torrent of water flew past him, splashing his feet and ace with it's power.
Without fear, head suddenly calm, lacking the furious explosions of mere minutes ago, he stepped out into the water, feeling himself inside it's lack of cohesion, its blindness to it's own form. He relaxed into the flow, his body giving way to contemplation.
But even within his peaceful rest, two faces swum before him. his father's gasping out his last words, his energy dissolving into metaphors. And Leia. It was wrong, these feelings But ever since that kiss.. Luke had never been able to rid himself of them. She was so perfect, such a delicate construct, the missing piece in his jigsaw.
But she could never be his. To her, he had just been a pawn in her struggle with Han. She would never know the feelings she had unlocked in him. Could never know.
Suddenly, Luke's Reverie was interrupted as he was yanked out of the water, two furry hands clasping his head as he dangled above the stream. He stared with fury into the eyes of chewbacca, opening his mouth to yell at the beast. But something stopped him, something deep within the beast - A look he had seen only once before - the look of forbidden love.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Blog Of The Day

Selling structured settlements? Man I need some help, wonder if it will ever come.
Uncle harry's sitting at his desk, pondering the meaning of life, hoping to go travelling. Poor guy, he's stuck working at a hotel. We have none of the american tax relief here, unless you are a super rich lawyer or something. Instead we stay chained to our desks and workbenches, pumping out worthless goods and information

A little Story about respect

It was a hot summers day. Athletics day. A day I dreaded, standing in lines waiting to take my turn to jump a metre, or come seventh out of eight people , just managing to beat the guy in the wheelchair. A friend and I had managed to sneak a beer from his parents closet, and drunk it a couple of hours earlier. No-one was allowed to go to the quad to get a drink of water, in case some clever student tried to make a break from this state-ordered day of boredom. Finally I came to the long jump. The teacher in charge was a certain Mr Johnston, a man of short stature, with a pot belly and balding head. He also happened to be my English teacher, one who hadn’t made a very good impression on me. His monotone frustrated me, as he stood at the front of the class, droning away about sentence structure. As far as I was concerned, he was the type of teacher who kills the desire to learn. We shuffled in line , watching student after student run and jump, run and jump. Looking back on it now, I realize the teachers themselves must have been three times as bored as we were. My turn to jump came, and Mr Johnston had the nerve to tell me off for having the wrong coloured socks! “ It’s a disgrace to the house” he told me, shaking his head. I don’t know if it was the illicit alcohol, the dehydration , the boredom of the monotony of the day or a combination of all the above but something inside me snapped. “You call me a disgrace!” I yelled . “You’re the one who bores everyone in the class to death! No wonder we’re leaving this school as soon as we can. With teachers like you, who can be bothered!” “

The look of shock, disappointment, and hurt on his face sunk into my soul. I realised how much I’d hurt him, but instead of facing up to him and apologizing, I turned on my heels, ran down the short track and jumped. “One metre” called the bored looking seventh former.

The next day I woke up and remembered what I’d said. A mixture of emotions took over me, shame being the main one. Who was I to say such things to this guy, a nice man just trying to do his job. When English class came around, I made a point of getting to class early , as opposed to my usual act of turning up ten minutes late with some half hearted excuse. There were a few students in the class, but I walked up to his desk and offered him my apology . “ I don’t know what came over me, but I’m sorry if what I said hurt you , and I didn’t mean it.” He looked me over, small eyes hiding behind his glasses. Then came the surprise. A smile crinkled his little face, and he said “When I told your house leader, he couldn’t believe it. It’s the first time he’s heard of you expressing an opinion. If me being monotonous is what it takes to bring you out of your shell, then it cant be too bad a thing.” With that he stood up, and unlocked a cupboard up very high, higher then most students could reach. “These books are not exactly school sanctioned, but if you find yourself so bored by the curriculum, they could be just what you want. He picked out two for me, “, and the ass saw the angel” by Nicholas Cave, and “spider boys”. “read your way through these, and come back when you’ve finished.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Almighty Feijoa

Today I thought I would post about a classic New Zealand late summer fruit. These grow everywhere in Auckland. It's very handy because quite often you can find them scattered around the pavement, and have an easy, free , afternoon snack. Some people like to eat the entire fruit, yes including the skin! They say that the astringent sour taste offsets the juicy innards. I myself disagree completely, and also eating the skin opens you up to all types of filth. So there are two ways to eat a feijoa left, one is with a spoon, and the other is by ripping it in half and sucking out all the innards, this is the way I like to eat it. Leaving only a trace of the innards to be found.
Now in my back yard we have a feijoa tree, but this year it has been a source of disapointment to me. The best way to get a feioa is wait untill they fall off the tree , so they are soft enough to become a velvety mush. But this year, almost every single one on the tree has been attacked and ravaged by the local pest, a possum.
This has led to many early morning rages, as I go out to the tree only to find the big plump juicy feijoa I had eyed up the night before is left as merely a carcass. But the worst thing is, el possumo doesnt enjoy the whole feijoa, he merely bites his way in through the skin and sucks out the tiniest bit of the innards, as if he is playing a cruel prank on me.
So this morning I have cleared the tree of all fruit, leaving myself with a pitiful hall of undersized feijoas, but at least I know tomorrow morning it will be mr possum who is crying, not me .
Forever Alone Feijoa

Helping out some friends

My friends band, Surf City, is currently touring the United States. They've managed to get involved in a zippo competition, and could win customized zippo lighters! So if any followers have a bit of spare time and feel like helping out, visit and vote for surf city on the right!

Cool as dudes, Music is pretty good , some cool drony stuff with a bit of kiwi pop in it. There'll probably be a few posts about my friend Jamie the bassist somewhere down the line.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Anonymous comments now enabled

Cameron Pools

Tonight went down to my local pool. This is the pool where I more or less learnt to swim to the level I am today, the pool where I first snuck into a sauna and thought "why would anyone ever do this to themself?" So tonight I decided it was time to cruise on down in my 1990 Mazda Astina 323 (Red) and see how the old centre held up.

On entry I was pleasantly suprised to find a very good student price - $4.50 including sauna, steam and spa! This is 50 cents cheaper then Bellevue road pools ( See "Rules of The Sauna") , and a whopping 2 dollars less then Olympic Pools in NewMarket (See "Not Posted Yet") , which charge 6.50 student. So after ten visits you'd get four free visits ! Of course, Olympic pools has a certain opulence and sense of history to it, but in these tough economic times, free visits are free visits.

Back to Cameron Pools. The changing rooms were a step up from Bellevue Road's cattle cleaning rooms, with nice rimu seats and rubber mats on the floor - not sure if I'm sold on these yet as seems like they could trap bugs between the cracks.

Upon entering the pool, I found myself in the unenviable position of being between the aqua joggers on my left and an adult swimming class on my right. I found out the adult swimming class also had a few down syndromes as I was swimming my first lap, looking down and saw a grinning face staring up at me from the bottom of the pool. This was nearly enough to put me off my stroke, but luckily I recovered , gave him/her a grin and continued on.

After a few laps, I went to the sauna. Impressive. No one else in there, a much larger space then Bellevue Road, a self - regulating sauna (eliminating splash-and-dash) , and a lot of bench space.
Unfortunately , after a couple of reheats, the sauna filled up and I experienced another sauna trauma - spitting onto the sauna rocks. Up there with farting in the sauna and pissing on the sauna, this act filled the room with an unsavoury scent and also looked disgusting as it sizzled away. Before france got rid of the burqas, I hope they banned this custom .

Overall , a good sauna / swim experience. The complex also has a spa, but spa's are for the weak , or the community minded . Walking past the door of "Nan's Pool" bought back memories of struggling to hold onto the side of the pool wall as I valiantly kicked away , bringing tears of joy to my eyes as I watched the aqua joggers slowly canter through the chlorine-filled, aqua blue sardine tin.

Monday, April 18, 2011


Would one look more like his brother or his son?

Definitely think that episode V is the best Star Wars. Has the Luke/Leia kiss, Luke hallucinating killing Darth Vader, who is actually himself . Poor Luke, He really draws the short straw in these movies. Where are all the women in the Star Wars universe? I wonder if there are pleasure droids for wookies

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Rules Of The Sauna

Spent some time at Bellevue Road swimming pools in my life.
Quite a nice little pool, off a side road , with a sauna and steam room that fit about ten people.

Overhead view of le pool

In my time at the pool, I've spent a lot of time in the sauna, and came up with some simple rules for sauna use , to help everyone have an enjoyable time

  1. No Farting in the Sauna. - You'd think this would be self explanatory, but the amount of times I've felt a rumble in the seat, followed by a nose watering, pore-closing stench that permeates every corner of the room. The smell is exacerbated by the fact that high temperature helps disperse poo particles and smell by up to 20 percent. If you need to fart, get out and let rip by the kiddies pool.

  2. No politics in the Sauna. - It's hot and steamy enough with out having to get worked up by some red cheeked investment banker telling everyone the only way to get cheaper bread is with genetic modification. Or some guy complaining about the price of the pool and in the same breath whining about "taxes all going to the poor, taking off us hard workers"

  3. Don't splash-and-dash. - This happens when some one comes in, splashes a whole cup of water on the stove, sits down and then leaves after two minutes. It seems to usually be italians for some reason. SIMPLE SAUNA RULE - adjust to the heat first and if you don't feel its hot enough after two minutes, check with the other sauna occupants.

  4. Don't urinate on the sauna rocks. - it smells bad. You might get dickburn, but that'd be okay, humor for the whole sauna.

  5. Don't lie down if the sauna is full up. - You might be "fully relaxed" or "in the full throes of a zen sauna moment " , but just sit up and make room so some others can join you on the scalding journey to enlightenment.

  6. Old man, don't sit in the corner where you can see the aqua joggers. Especially with a towel in your lap.